Rest
I did not write an issue of Field Notes & Reflections last week. I was tired and needed a break.
I was busy for most of the preceding day attending a meeting of an organization I serve as treasurer. This obligation meant that I had not had the usual amount of rest. I count on that rest to prepare mentally for sorting my thoughts and putting them in writing. I was not ready for these tasks last week. Today I am.
Resting is not something that comes naturally to me. I enjoy the challenge of work and the busyness of routine tasks. It is not easy to separate myself from them, yet this is what resting demands, that I leave them behind and that I not fill the void with something else.
It is tempting to equate resting with relaxation. This can be a trap, one that is quickly recognized when times of relaxation are filled to capacity with doing, even doing something pleasurable. This is hinted at when we refer to our time relaxing as engaging in leisure pursuits. If the only distinction between work and relaxation is that one is paid for the former and not for the latter, relaxation is not restful. How often have I heard people say -- or, indeed, said myself -- that they had to return to work to rest up from a vacation trip?
There is a simple test to determine when I have been too busy and have not rested sufficiently. It is the length of time it takes me to fall asleep and whether I am able to stay asleep. What keeps me awake, I find, are the intrusive thoughts about the tasks that remain on my to-do list. Resting effectively means shutting down the part of my mind that returns unbidden to these matters.
Health questionnaires I have completed recently ask about my sleep habits. They ask how long I sleep and whether I am well-rested when I awake. I feel good about the answers I have given lately to these questions. I am succeeding at sleeping.
This has not always been the case. My career in city management was stressful, more so that I realized, I now know. I would awaken often in the middle of the night, ruminating about what had happened and worrying about what might happen.
These interruptions happen infrequently now. It helps, I suppose, that I have more control over my work as an independent contractor and as a volunteer and how much of it I do. That is not the whole the explanation, though. Age and experience have given me a perspective I did not have earlier in life. Striving for success is not the same as searching for meaning. The first can be the enemy of rest. The second is more likely to bear fruit for the one who is rested.
I attended city council meanings twice a month for much of my career. My life was organized around the regular occurrence of these events. They necessitated establishing a rhythm to the work I did.
Four times each year, however, that rhythm was broken. The calendar had an extra week. This was a gift, one that I accepted as an to opportunity to schedule time away from the office. Sometimes we planned a family vacation. At others, it was an invitation to do nothing, to rest.
The nature of executive work today is different than when I started my career. The work day does not end at 5:00 and the work week does not end on Friday . Emails and text messages mean that work bleeds into evening hours, weekends, and vacations.
I have heard people say on occasion that there is no rest for the weary. They are misquoting a phrase from the Old Testament that warns that the wicked will not enjoy eternal rest. The way these folks say it, however, betrays their more immediate concern, that the demands of their busy lives offer no respite, only more of the same. They have no rest and no hope to have it anytime soon. They are being worn down by doing.
Some long for their retirement years and the expectation that, finally, they will have the rest they so desperately seek. Some few might achieve that goal. May retired people I know, however, comment that they have no idea when they found time to work because their days are so busy. Some find they must still work in order to support the busy lifestyles they have chosen to pursue. Others fill their hours with gardening, crafts, golf, and volunteering. They have no time to rest.
I am not wholly unlike them. I would not be content with a life of idleness. What I have found necessary to approach my current pursuits more restfully is the pace I set for myself. If I work more slowly, I can create moments of rest throughout my day. Every second need not be filled with specific tasks. There can be time to take a breather.
It interests me that the practice of mindfulness often begins with awareness of one's breath. I do not meditate, but I do breathe. I have done it all my life. It comes naturally to me, at least most of the time.
When I began experiencing heart failure, one of the ways in which it was most evident to me was in the difficulty I had breathing. I was short of breath. I could not catch my breath. My breathing was labored. I was aware of my breath in way that I am not normally.
Herein lies the problem for those who are too busy. They do not realize the need to take a deep breath from time to time, to recognize the opportunity for rest in the moments between inhaling and exhaling. If they thought about it, they might discover they have forgotten how to breathe properly.
It seems that many people have taken to heart the advice to drink plenty of water throughout the day. They carry containers with them everywhere to be sure they are properly hydrated. Perhaps we need a public health campaign that encourages us to fill our lungs as diligently as we are filling our water bottles.
Resting need not be complicated. I just need to slow down, do less, and breathe.